After I had released my eBook for presale, I had a moment of doubt. All the confidence, self-belief, sheer determination left me and I felt flat.  

 After all the hard work, hours spent in the pursuit of writing, editing, proofreading, formatting and marketing – creating artwork and paid for advertisements– I had only sold 14 books.

Thankfully my husband made a valid comment and gave me a moment of clarity.  He reminded me that it had only been one week (exactly 7 days) since I had put my book on Kindle for pre-release and I should feel proud of that achievement.  He was right.

But for a few days I had become obsessed, consumed with the idea that I could buck the trend and become one of a very small minority of writers to become a bestseller and sell thousands of copies. I mean, how many debut authors had become best sellers upon release of their novel? I couldn’t find the answer online, that fact alone, suggests it is highly unlikely.

 I had set myself a target that was unattainable, but for a brief space of time, I had believed that preselling a number of books would justify the whole writing journey. It wasn’t about the money. I knew it would be unlikely I would make any profit out of my writing for a long time, if ever. It was about, my fragile ego’s need to feel worthy. All my insecurities had resurfaced and I needed to get some perspective.

It’s funny how we are always moving the goal posts on our personal achievements and set unattainable goals. I got a bit self-analytical. I wondered why am I always striving forward, always wanting more? Firstly, it was to complete mycreative writing course, but by the end I wanted to write a book. After thefirst one, I wanted to write another and so on. Then I wanted to publish a book. Next I wanted an online media presence. Finally, I have published my book – so what the hell do I want now? Apparently more book sales! Where does it end? Why am I always moving the goal posts? When I reflect: I have achieved so much already!

 I had forgotten what my writing journey had been about. I had become distracted by the idea of success.  I reminded myself that although it would be nice to sell a lot of books, that has never been the goal. It had been so many other things: overcoming fears, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, the genuine enjoyment of creating a story and the rush of excitement as a wicked idea became reality, the twists and turns of a story and being the master of my character’s destinies. My writing journey has been about much more than book sales.

To make myself feel better I decided to revisit the information online detailing how many books should a self-published debut author expect to sell. In 2015 the answer was: “The average digital only author-published book sells 250 copies in its lifetime.”

500,000 books are self-published each year. If each one of these book sold 250 copies that is 125,000,000 books sold per year. That’s a lot of book sales and a lot of competition for a debut author.

 I like this quote by Kameron Hurley, it makes me feel so much better:

“Lots of great books fail to make more than a few hundred dollars for their authors… Lots of shitty books sell millions.”

And I must remember my goal: I wanted to write a great book, (not make millions selling a shitty one.) and I need to stop checking my Kindle direct publishing account (KDP) for book sales.

In a few short days my debut novel will be released, wisely, (I now realise) while I am on holiday so I can enjoy my success in the sun, on a sun bed with a cocktail in my hand.

Personal note: I am writing this blog post as a reminder to myself. Remember, do not worry about how many books are sold, it’s just numbers. Ultimately, I must enjoy the journey, put aside the ego and when I publish a book, know, that I have completed what I had intended to do and, by doing so, I am already a success.  That is what is important.