Since I released my first book, I have been receiving feedback from people and it has been a mixed bag; some good, some bad; nothing too hurtful, but still, I feel the sting of the words in my heart.

I wondered if I was unique to feel so deeply about what people said, however when I looked for answers online, it appears it is not uncommon to feel this way, because as Joanna Penn says:

“We identify with our work, so we feel that rejection of the book is essentially rejection of us as people.”

I felt it personally.

I took some time to reflect on my feelings and why it hurt. I tried to find the positive in feeling so sensitive. I wondered if it is my sensitivity that makes my writing uniquely me. Perhaps that facet enables me to explore and eloquently share the emotions contained in my writing.

I wanted to understand how writers deal with these feelings and how they overcome them. I read a number of articles and sourced three tips I found personally helpful:  

1. See the positive. When receiving criticism; try to be mindful. Take a step back and reflect on the feedback. Do not respond immediately with your gut reaction. It is important to be objective. Is there some truth in their words? Is there something I could do differently? If not, then move on.
2. Negative reviews can be motivating. Criticism can push you to publicly defend your book,raise awareness and get more readers who will ultimately love it. Not everyone will love your book, but not everyone will hate it either.
3. It can make you a better writer. Sometimes the criticism is valid and you have to be honest and open and accept that. As Joanna Penn states: “Stop avoiding pain, get some scars and achieve something worthwhile” 

Overall, Thornton Wilder makes a great point:

“The important thing is that you make sure that neither the favourable nor the unfavourable critics move into your head and take part in the composition of your next work.”

I had dealt with criticism of my writing before. When I had finished my first book, I needed some feedback to decide if I should self-publish my work. I gave it to 6 people who had either volunteered, or I had felt might enjoy it or I thought would give me some honest feedback.

Two of them did not read the book. Two of them loved the book and this eventually spurred me on to release the book. They gave me positive feedback and I felt on top of the world. One said it had made them cry and the other said they had enjoyed it immensely. The other two critics were also completely honest and gave me some good feedback that I acknowledged, even though it was hard to listen to.

However, the book was still in the early stages and I was able to objectively digest what they said. One piece of feedback was that it was too descriptive. Thankfully, my editor took care of that by cutting 15,000 words. The other piece of criticism was the age group I was writing about and the subject matter I was dealing with – particularly the sex. I took this onboard but decided to stick with the sex because it is part of the reality my characters find themselves in. Although it may make adults feel uncomfortable -underage sex does happen a lot.  Reading this quote below as I researched this post made me feel better about doing so:

John Irving, quoting Cocteau:

“Listen very carefully to the first criticism of your work.Note just what it is about your work that the reviewers don’t like; it may be the only thing in your work that is original and worthwhile.”  

I already had a deep seated fear of criticism and I thought I was ready for the feedback. I had been steeling myself for it, because I had decided to write the book I wanted, not a book that everyone would like.

Three particular areas had worried me:

1. The potentially dangerous situations the characters find themselves in
2. The detailed and graphic sex
3. The age of the characters

The subject matter had made me nervous to publish. I am writing about topics that are actually illegal. I was fearful of the judgementfrom my family and friends let alone strangers, ever since I had decided to self-publish. I questioned the sanity of publishing it as a debut novel – had I made the right decision?

 However, I must keep in mind; it is people’s choice to read the book, there must be something from the back book blurb or advertising that has hooked them and ultimately I am happy with what I have written. I enjoyed writing it and other people have enjoyed reading it.

After this pep talk/blog post I feel so much better about the criticism I have received so far. Prior to writing books, stories, quotes and poetry, I was journaling my thoughts and feelings. I realised that keeping them in my head was not healthy for me. Blogging about criticism, my feelings towards it and reading articles that uplift me, has enabled me to let go of these negative emotions and get on with my writing.

Ultimately, I must keep in my mind the belief that made me publish this book:

Somehow, someway, somewhere, someone really needs to read this story.